Just be you

I find myself constantly worrying about other people. I shouldn’t be worrying about other people all the time. It’s stressful and not making me happy. I shouldnt be in a relationship. Especially if I’m always worrying about my significant other. Not healthy and it doesn’t make me happy. I have a trust issue and I really don’t know why. I don’t have a real reason. Im better off alone. Then I have no worries about anyone but myself. No one to argue with except myself. Life would be simple and a lot less painful. I can only wish.

Why me. What to doo.

It’s 3 am. And I can’t sleep. I thought I had made a decision and then of course I get s text from you “I want to be with you and I’ll do whatever it takes I promise” how the fuck am I supposed to decide now. Caught in the middle. Have no idea which road I should take. I want one that is going to be good for me but I am completely torn down the middle. Which one is healthy. Which one ill be happy in. And yet I have no idea which one to pick. I feel like letting both go and just being the one thing I hate being. Alone. I feel like that is what I should do because I have been flipping back and fourth for a few weeks and its making me unhappy and probably both of them. I want them both.. but I can’t. Why can’t I just have a mixture of them both. And it doesn’t help that ive never made a solid decision in my life. One of my not so great traits I have. I am so confused thinking about which one I should go with makes my stomach hurt and I feel like I could puke. Goodnight :(